5 Signs Your Child’s Anxiety Is More Than Just Shyness

Reviewed by Joseph Demers, PhD, Licensed Psychologist

It’s natural for children to feel a little nervous in social situations—meeting new people, speaking in front of a class, or trying a new activity can be intimidating. Many kids take time to warm up to new environments, and some are naturally more reserved than others. But when does normal shyness cross into something more concerning?

For some children, anxiety disorders (such as social anxiety disorder, selective mutism, generalized anxiety disorder, or an adjustment disorder) go beyond simple shyness. They can make everyday interactions feel overwhelming, leading to distress, avoidance, and difficulty forming relationships. Anxiety in children can be hard to recognize, especially because kids often struggle to express what they’re feeling. As a parent, understanding the signs of anxiety can help you determine when your child may need extra support.

Here are five key indicators that your child’s anxiety might be more than just shyness—and what you can do to help.

1. Extreme Fear of Social Situations

Many kids feel hesitant in unfamiliar social situations, but children with social anxiety experience an intense fear that can interfere with daily life.

You might notice your child:

• Avoids speaking in class, even when they know the answer
• Refuses to participate in group activities or social events
• Becomes overly distressed when meeting new people
• Relies on you to communicate for them 
• Expresses intense worry about being judged or embarrassed
• Ask excessive questions about upcoming social situations trying to “check” nothing will go wrong 

While shy children may feel nervous initially, they usually warm up over time. However, children with social anxiety may continue to struggle in social settings and actively avoid them whenever possible.

2. Avoiding Eye Contact or Engaging with Others

Many young children take time to develop confidence in social interactions, but if your child consistently avoids eye contact, it could be a sign of deeper anxiety or another condition affecting their social functioning.

Children with social anxiety may:

• Look down or away when speaking to others
• Avoid interacting with teachers, peers, or unfamiliar adults
• Seem physically tense or frozen in social situations

It’s important to note that some children may also have difficulty with eye contact due to neurodevelopmental differences, such as autism. Getting to the root cause often involves at least a consultation with a provider knowledgeable in both childhood anxiety and neurodevelopmental conditioning. Even if something like autism is a factor, taking steps to reduce anxiety will still benefit your child.

3. Physical Symptoms of Anxiety

Social anxiety doesn’t just affect emotions—it can also trigger physical reactions. In fact, anxiety most often presents in children through physical ailments first, making these important symptoms to note. If your child frequently complains of feeling sick before social events or attending school, their anxiety may be manifesting physically.

Common physical symptoms include:

• Stomachaches, headaches, or nausea before school or social gatherings
• Sweating, trembling, or blushing when interacting with others
• A racing heart or shortness of breath when they feel anxious
• Complaints of feeling “frozen” or unable to speak in certain settings

These symptoms often appear before or during stressful situations and disappear once the perceived “threat” is gone. If you notice a pattern, it’s worth exploring whether anxiety is playing a role.

4. Excessive Worry About Social Performance

Children with social anxiety often have a deep fear of embarrassment or making mistakes in front of others. This can lead to excessive self-criticism and avoidance of situations where they might be judged.

Signs to watch for include:

• Frequently seeking reassurance about how they appear to others
• Worrying excessively about saying the wrong thing
• Showing reluctance to try new things due to fear of failure
• Fixating on past interactions, replaying them in their mind

While it’s normal for kids to care about what others think, persistent worry that interferes with their ability to function suggests a deeper issue. As with avoiding eye contact, these behaviors can also stem from an “insistence on sameness” that reflects a neurodevelopmental condition. Again, consulting with an experienced provider can help make the distinction. 

5. Avoiding Social Activities They Once Enjoyed

A clear sign that anxiety is impacting your child’s well-being is when they start avoiding activities they once loved. This could include:

• Refusing to attend birthday parties or playdates
• Dropping out of sports, clubs, or group activities
• Making excuses to stay home instead of going to school

As children grow more anxious over time, the prospect of these activities starts to seem more and more overwhelming and pushing through the discomfort seems more and more impossible – even as you try to remind them of fun times they had previously! While these kinds of changes in behavior can also arise with depression, if your child seems generally “keyed up” in their avoidance of these activities, anxiety might be a more likely explanation. 

How to Support a Child with Social Anxiety

If your child is showing these signs of social anxiety, early intervention can help them develop the skills they need to navigate social situations more comfortably. When avoidance becomes a pattern, it reinforces the fear, making social interactions feel even more intimidating over time. Encouraging gradual exposure to social settings, with the right support, can help children regain confidence. Here are a few ways to offer support:

1. Validate Their Feelings

Instead of dismissing their anxiety, acknowledge their feelings and let them know you understand. Phrases like, “I can see that speaking in class makes you nervous,” can help them feel heard and supported.

2. Gradual Exposure

Encouraging small steps toward social interaction can help children build confidence. Start with low-pressure situations, like talking to a familiar friend, before moving on to more challenging interactions.

3. Teach Coping Strategies

Deep breathing, visualization, and positive self-talk can help children manage anxiety in social situations. Practicing these skills together can make them feel more approachable and effective.

4. Seek Professional Support

If anxiety is interfering with your child’s daily life, therapy can be a valuable tool. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), including Exposure with Response Prevention (ERP), is one of the most effective approaches for anxiety in children, helping them recognize and reframe anxious thoughts.

When to Seek Professional Help

It’s important to note that occasional nervousness is normal, but if your child’s anxiety is persistent, distressing, or impacting their ability to engage in daily activities, professional support can help.

A mental health professional can:

• Assess whether your child’s anxiety is typical or part of an anxiety disorder
• Provide tools and strategies for managing anxiety
• Help parents create a supportive environment that encourages confidence

Take the Next Step in Supporting Your Child

If you’re concerned that your child is struggling with anxiety, professional guidance can make a difference. At Sasco River Center, we specialize in helping children develop confidence and coping skills to navigate social situations with greater ease.

We proudly serve families in Fairfield, Southport, Darien, and surrounding areas. If you’re ready to support your child in overcoming social anxiety, contact us today to schedule a consultation.