Archive for: Parenting

Archive for Parenting

Exploring Different Psychotherapy Approaches for Children and Adolescents

The journey through childhood and adolescence can be a captivating yet intricate tapestry, woven with rapid physical, emotional, and cognitive transformations. While this phase holds immense potential for growth and self-discovery, it can also present formidable challenges that may necessitate the guidance of psychotherapy. In this comprehensive exploration, we delve into the multifaceted realm of psychotherapeutic approaches tailored to nurture the mental well-being of young individuals.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: Reshaping Thought Patterns

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) stands as a cornerstone in the realm of psychotherapy, offering a structured and practical approach to addressing emotional and behavioral concerns. Tailored to the unique developmental stages of children and adolescents, CBT involves working closely with young individuals to identify and challenge negative thought patterns and behaviors that contribute to distress.

Through age-appropriate techniques, such as play therapy or art therapy, therapists guide their young clients in recognizing the interconnectedness between thoughts, emotions, and actions. By fostering an understanding of this intricate relationship, CBT equips children and adolescents with invaluable coping mechanisms and problem-solving skills, empowering them to navigate life’s challenges with greater resilience.

Fostering Positive Mindsets

CBT’s efficacy in treating a wide range of conditions, including anxiety, depression, and trauma-related disorders, has been extensively documented. Specialized forms of CBT have also been developed to address specific needs, such as trauma-focused CBT, which helps young individuals process and heal from traumatic experiences.

By encouraging the replacement of negative thought patterns with more adaptive and constructive perspectives, CBT therapy sessions nurture a positive mindset, enhancing self-esteem and promoting overall emotional well-being. This transformative process not only alleviates symptoms but also equips young individuals with lifelong skills for managing stress and adversity.

Play Therapy: Unlocking the Language of Childhood

Children possess an innate ability to communicate through the universal language of play. Play therapy harnesses this natural mode of expression, creating a safe and nurturing environment where young clients can explore their emotions, express their innermost thoughts, and develop essential problem-solving skills.

Fostering Self-Expression and Insight

In play therapy, therapists utilize a diverse array of toys, games, and creative activities to engage with children on their level. Through imaginative play scenarios, children are encouraged to reenact experiences, work through conflicts, and process emotions that may be challenging to articulate verbally.

By observing children’s interactions with play materials, therapists gain invaluable insights into their clients’ inner worlds, identifying recurring themes, patterns, and underlying concerns. This process fosters self-expression, self-awareness, and ultimately, emotional growth and healing.

Narrative Therapy: Rewriting Life’s Stories

Narrative therapy recognizes the profound impact that personal narratives can have on an individual’s sense of self and well-being. By collaborating with children and adolescents, therapists guide them in exploring and rewriting the stories they tell themselves about their experiences, challenges, and aspirations.

Empowering Positive Narratives

Through the lens of narrative therapy, young clients are encouraged to view their struggles as separate from their core identities, fostering a sense of agency and resilience. Therapists skillfully facilitate the process of crafting new, empowering narratives that align with the client’s strengths, values, and desired outcomes.

By externalizing problems and reframing experiences in a more positive light, narrative therapy empowers children and adolescents to reclaim their narratives, cultivating a sense of hope, self-acceptance, and personal growth.

Family Therapy: Strengthening Connections

Family dynamics can profoundly influence a child’s emotional and behavioral well-being. Family therapy acknowledges this interconnectedness by involving the entire family unit in the therapeutic process, working collaboratively to address communication patterns, conflicts, and relational challenges.

Building Supportive Environments

Through family therapy sessions, therapists guide families in exploring and understanding the intricate web of interactions, beliefs, and dynamics that shape their relationships. By fostering open and honest communication, family members gain insights into each other’s perspectives, needs, and emotional experiences.

This collaborative approach aims to create a supportive and nurturing environment for the child’s emotional growth, fostering stronger connections, improved problem-solving skills, and a deeper sense of family cohesion. Ultimately, family therapy empowers families to navigate challenges together, providing a solid foundation for the child’s overall well-being.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy: Navigating Intense Emotions

Originally developed for adults, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) has been adapted to meet the unique needs of adolescents. This approach recognizes the intense emotional experiences that can arise during this developmental stage, offering a comprehensive framework for emotional regulation, interpersonal effectiveness, distress tolerance, and mindfulness.

Cultivating Emotional Intelligence

DBT therapy sessions equip adolescents with practical strategies for managing intense emotions, fostering healthier coping mechanisms, and building resilience in the face of adversity. Through a combination of individual and group sessions, young individuals learn to recognize and respond to emotional triggers, develop self-awareness, and practice mindfulness techniques to cultivate present-moment awareness and self-acceptance.

By addressing the underlying emotional dysregulation that can contribute to self-harm tendencies, mood disorders, and interpersonal conflicts, DBT provides adolescents with the tools to navigate this turbulent phase with greater emotional intelligence and self-compassion.

Art Therapy: Expressing the Inexpressible

Art therapy offers a unique and powerful avenue for self-expression, particularly for children and adolescents who may find it challenging to articulate their emotions verbally. By engaging in various art forms, such as drawing, painting, sculpting, or collage-making, young individuals can explore and process their feelings in a non-threatening and creative space.

Tapping into the Subconscious

Through the process of creating art, children and adolescents gain insights into their subconscious thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Art therapists facilitate this journey by observing the client’s artistic expressions, identifying symbolic representations, and guiding them in interpreting the deeper meanings behind their creations.

Art therapy not only fosters self-expression but also promotes emotional regulation, stress relief, and self-awareness. By externalizing their inner experiences through art, young individuals can gain a sense of control and find healthy outlets for processing complex emotions.

Attachment-Based Therapy: Nurturing Secure Bonds

Rooted in attachment theory, attachment-based therapy recognizes the profound impact that early caregiving experiences have on a child’s emotional and social development. This therapeutic approach focuses on strengthening the bonds between children and their caregivers, fostering a secure attachment that serves as a foundation for emotional well-being.

Repairing Disrupted Connections

For children who have experienced early trauma, disruptions in caregiving, or insecure attachments, attachment-based therapy provides a safe and nurturing environment to explore and repair these disrupted connections. Therapists work closely with both children and their caregivers, guiding them in developing attunement, responsiveness, and emotional availability.

Through this collaborative process, children learn to trust and rely on their caregivers, while caregivers gain insights into their child’s emotional needs and develop strategies for providing consistent and responsive care. By nurturing these secure attachments, attachment-based therapy promotes emotional regulation, resilience, and healthy social-emotional development.

Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT): Coaching Positive Connections

Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) recognizes the profound impact that positive parent-child relationships can have on a child’s behavior and overall well-being. This innovative approach involves working directly with parents and children, providing real-time coaching and guidance to foster positive interactions and effective parenting strategies.

Strengthening Parent-Child Bonds

During PCIT therapy sessions, therapists observe and coach parents as they interact with their children, offering immediate feedback and guidance on how to respond to their child’s behaviors in a nurturing and consistent manner. Through this hands-on approach, parents learn to cultivate a warm and responsive parenting style, while children experience the benefits of consistent, positive attention and reinforcement.

PCIT not only addresses behavioral challenges but also strengthens the parent-child bond, fostering a sense of trust, security, and emotional connection. By empowering parents with effective communication and discipline strategies, PCIT equips families with the tools to navigate the challenges of childhood and adolescence with greater confidence and resilience.

Interpersonal Therapy: Navigating Relationships

Interpersonal Therapy (IPT) recognizes the profound impact that interpersonal relationships and social connections have on an individual’s emotional well-being. This therapeutic approach focuses on exploring and addressing the interpersonal challenges that may contribute to emotional distress, such as conflicts, loss, or role transitions.

Building Healthy Connections

Through IPT, children and adolescents gain insights into the patterns and dynamics that shape their relationships, learning to identify and address problematic behaviors, communication styles, and interpersonal difficulties. Therapists guide their clients in developing effective communication strategies, assertiveness skills, and conflict resolution techniques, empowering them to build and maintain healthy connections.

By fostering a deeper understanding of interpersonal dynamics, IPT equips young individuals with the tools to navigate the complexities of peer relationships, family dynamics, and social situations with greater confidence and resilience. This approach not only alleviates emotional distress but also promotes personal growth and the development of essential life skills.

Mentalization-Based Therapy: Cultivating Self-Awareness

Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT) recognizes the importance of self-awareness and understanding one’s own mental states and those of others. This approach focuses on helping children and adolescents develop the ability to mentalize, or reflect on their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, as well as those of the people around them.

Fostering Empathy and Perspective-Taking

Through MBT, therapists guide young individuals in exploring their inner experiences, emotions, and motivations, while also encouraging them to consider the perspectives and mental states of others. This process fosters empathy, emotional intelligence, and the ability to navigate complex social situations with greater understanding and sensitivity.

By cultivating mentalization skills, children and adolescents gain insights into their own behavior patterns, emotional triggers, and interpersonal dynamics. This self-awareness not only promotes emotional regulation and conflict resolution but also contributes to the development of a healthy sense of self and positive relationships.

Group Therapy: Harnessing the Power of Peer Support

Group therapy offers a unique and powerful therapeutic experience for children and adolescents, providing a supportive environment where they can connect with peers facing similar challenges. By participating in group therapy sessions, young individuals have the opportunity to share their experiences, learn from one another, and develop essential social skills.

Fostering Connections and Belonging

Within the safe and structured setting of group therapy, children and adolescents can explore a wide range of issues, such as anxiety, depression, trauma, self-esteem, or social skills deficits. Therapists facilitate these sessions, guiding participants in developing coping strategies, practicing effective communication, and providing mutual support and encouragement.

Group therapy not only addresses specific concerns but also fosters a sense of belonging, validation, and shared understanding. By witnessing others’ journeys and receiving support from peers, young individuals gain a sense of empowerment and resilience, recognizing that they are not alone in their struggles.

Psychodynamic Psychotherapy: Uncovering Inner Conflicts

Psychodynamic psychotherapy takes a deep dive into the unconscious motivations, conflicts, and defense mechanisms that shape an individual’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. This approach recognizes the profound impact that early childhood experiences and relationships can have on an individual’s development and overall well-being.

Exploring the Unconscious

Through the therapeutic relationship and the process of free association, psychodynamic therapists guide children and adolescents in exploring their inner worlds, uncovering underlying conflicts, and gaining insights into the unconscious drivers of their behaviors and emotional patterns.

By bringing these unconscious processes into conscious awareness, psychodynamic psychotherapy aims to facilitate emotional growth, self-understanding, and the resolution of long-standing issues. This approach recognizes the complexity of the human psyche and the importance of addressing the root causes of emotional and behavioral challenges.

Supportive Therapy: Cultivating Resilience

Supportive therapy recognizes the profound impact that stress, adversity, and life transitions can have on an individual’s mental health and well-being. This therapeutic approach focuses on providing a nurturing and non-judgmental environment where children and adolescents can explore their challenges, develop coping strategies, and cultivate resilience.

Building a Foundation of Support

Through supportive therapy sessions, therapists offer validation, empathy, and encouragement, creating a safe space for young individuals to express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of judgment or criticism. By providing a consistent and compassionate presence, therapists help children and adolescents build self-esteem, develop problem-solving skills, and gain a sense of agency over their lives.

Supportive therapy can be particularly beneficial for young individuals navigating significant life transitions, such as parental divorce, relocation, or the loss of a loved one. By offering a supportive and understanding ear, therapists can help children and adolescents process their emotions, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and build the resilience needed to navigate these challenges with greater strength and hope.

Final Reflections

As we navigate the intricate tapestry of childhood and adolescence, it becomes evident that psychotherapy plays a pivotal role in nurturing the mental well-being and resilience of young individuals. From cognitive-behavioral approaches that reshape thought patterns to narrative therapies that empower positive narratives, the diverse array of psychotherapeutic modalities offers a rich tapestry of healing and growth.

Whether through the imaginative realms of play therapy, the collaborative embrace of family therapy, or the emotional intelligence cultivated by dialectical behavior therapy, these approaches provide tailored pathways for children and adolescents to explore their emotions, develop coping strategies, and foster healthy connections.

As we continue to deepen our understanding of the complexities of the human psyche and the unique needs of young minds, the field of psychotherapy for children and adolescents will undoubtedly continue to evolve, offering innovative and evidence-based approaches to support the journey towards emotional well-being and personal growth.

By embracing the transformative power of psychotherapy, we can contribute to the holistic development of the next generation, fostering a foundation of mental resilience and empowering young individuals to navigate life’s challenges with confidence, self-awareness, and a deep sense of self-worth.

How Family Therapy Can Strengthen Relationships at Home

In today’s fast-paced world, maintaining healthy and robust relationships within families can be a daunting challenge, with communication breakdowns and unresolved conflicts often straining even the closest of bonds. However, family therapy offers a transformative solution, empowering family members to unlock the power of effective communication and rebuild stronger connections.

Through evidence-based techniques and interventions, therapy equips families with the tools to navigate various challenges, from parenting issues and blended family dynamics to managing digital device usage, supporting children through developmental milestones, addressing sibling dynamics, coping with academic pressures, and resolving work-life balance conflicts.

By providing a safe and supportive environment, licensed therapists guide families in developing healthier patterns of interaction, enhancing problem-solving skills, and rebuilding trust. With the help of family therapy, individuals can express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns, fostering deeper understanding and harmonious relationships among family members.

Understanding the Role of Family Therapy

Family therapy plays a pivotal role in fostering healthier family dynamics and strengthening relationships among family members. It provides a safe and supportive environment for individuals to express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns, fostering deeper understanding and harmonious relationships.

Importance of Communication in Families

Effective communication is the cornerstone of healthy family dynamics. It involves not only the exchange of words but also the ability to understand emotions, intentions, and underlying issues. When family members feel heard and understood, they are more likely to express themselves openly and honestly, leading to reduced misunderstandings and conflicts. Poor communication, on the other hand, can give rise to recurring arguments, emotional distance, and strained relationships.

Research shows that children and adolescents who have positive family dynamics are less likely to engage in risky behaviors, have a mental health diagnosis, and more likely to have higher levels of self-esteem. Furthermore, families that regularly engage in activities like eating meals together report lower levels of depression and risk-seeking behaviors among teenagers.

How Therapy Strengthens Bonds

Family therapy equips families with effective communication strategies that allow them to convey their thoughts, express their needs, and identify goals for themselves and their families. Techniques like active listening, collaborative problem-solving, respectful communication, and active constructive responding are employed to improve communication, resolve issues, and teach skills that enhance family dynamics.

By involving all family members in therapy sessions, family therapy strengthens bonds, fosters understanding, and promotes collective growth. It empowers families to work together as a cohesive unit, fostering resilience and enhancing overall mental health . Engaging in bonding activities, such as cooking a meal together, can further promote teamwork, communication skills, and emotional connections among family members.

Common Challenges Addressed by Family Therapy

One of the primary challenges addressed by family therapy is communication breakdowns. When a family’s communication system is not functioning effectively, problems remain unresolved, leading to ongoing conflicts and misunderstandings. Typically, communication issues become apparent when a family member, often a child, starts exhibiting signs of stress, such as anger, irritability, or disruptive behavior at home or school. These behaviors serve as red flags, indicating that the family dynamics are not entirely harmonious.

Communication Breakdowns

Family therapists work to reopen lines of communication within the family. They help families identify the best times to connect and guide parents in developing active listening skills, which are often lost amidst the demands of daily responsibilities. Active listening involves fully focusing on the speaker, avoiding interruptions, and responding thoughtfully, fostering an environment where each member feels heard and validated.

Parenting Conflicts and Sibling Rivalries

Another common challenge addressed in family therapy is sibling rivalry and parenting conflicts. Siblings often spend a significant amount of time together, leading to conflicts and disagreements over shared resources, attention, or differing needs. Family therapists assist parents in understanding and managing sibling rivalry in a constructive manner, teaching children conflict resolution skills and encouraging them to work out disagreements independently.

Sibling rivalry can stem from various factors, such as age differences, temperaments, or competing desires for parental attention. While some level of rivalry is inevitable, it can become toxic and damaging if taken too far or fostered by parents. Family therapists help parents recognize the underlying causes of sibling rivalry and provide guidance on fostering healthy sibling relationships.

In cases where parents have differing approaches to parenting or struggle with consistency, family therapy can help them get on the same page. Therapists may offer scripts or strategies to ensure consistent and calm responses to sibling conflicts, promoting a more harmonious family environment.

Moreover, family therapists guide parents in understanding that fairness does not necessarily mean equal distribution of resources. Instead, they encourage conversations about meeting individual needs and wants, acknowledging that each child may require different forms of support or attention. By addressing the root causes of sibling rivalry and parenting conflicts, family therapy aims to foster stronger bonds and healthier dynamics within the family unit.

Techniques Used in Family Therapy

Family therapists employ various evidence-based techniques to facilitate effective communication, resolve conflicts, and foster stronger bonds among family members. Two crucial techniques are active listening and empathy, as well as conflict resolution strategies.

Active Listening and Empathy

Active listening is a powerful tool that goes beyond merely hearing words; it involves fully engaging with the speaker and striving to comprehend their thoughts and feelings. It requires putting aside distractions, suspending judgment, and offering undivided attention, creating an atmosphere of trust and openness for meaningful communication.

Therapists guide families in developing active listening skills through reflective responses, paraphrasing, acknowledging non-verbal cues, asking clarifying questions, and making empathetic statements. For example, a therapist might model an empathetic statement like, “I can imagine that thinking about these health concerns is really weighing on you. How can I support you during this time?”.

Empathetic listening involves reflecting back the emotions expressed by the speaker, showing understanding and validation without judgment. This encourages open sharing and facilitates self-exploration, fostering an environment where family members feel heard and supported.

  1. Reflective Responses: “It sounds like you had a tough day. Can you tell me more about what happened and how you’re feeling?”
  2. Paraphrasing: “If I understand correctly, you’re feeling overwhelmed by the workload. What specific tasks are causing the most stress for you?”
  3. Non-Verbal Cues: Maintain eye contact, nod, and use affirmative gestures to show genuine interest.
  4. Clarifying Questions: “I want to make sure I understand. Are you saying that the recent family gathering made you feel uneasy? What specifically bothered you?”
  5. Empathetic Statements: “I can imagine that thinking about these health concerns is really weighing on you. How can I support you during this time?”

Conflict Resolution Techniques

Family therapy aims to help families manage and resolve conflicts effectively. Therapists guide families in building an environment of connection and understanding, creating a family culture where rifts are expected and repairs are welcomed.

One effective technique is the use of “I” statements, which encourages family members to express their feelings without blaming others. For example, “I am hurt by what you said last night” instead of accusations like “You were out of order last night”.

During heightened tensions, therapists may employ the technique of asking family members to speak directly to the therapist. This refocuses the speaker, allowing them to express themselves more calmly while giving others time and space to listen without pressure.

Ultimately, these techniques promote open and honest communication, empowering families to navigate conflicts collaboratively, find common ground, and work towards resolutions.

Benefits of Family Therapy

Enhanced Communication

Effective communication is the cornerstone of healthy family dynamics. Family therapy equips families with strategies to convey their thoughts, express their needs, and identify goals, fostering open and honest communication. Through techniques like active listening, collaborative problem-solving, and respectful communication, family members learn to understand emotions, intentions, and underlying issues. This reduces misunderstandings, recurring arguments, and emotional distance, creating an environment where all members feel valued, heard, and connected.

Resilience and Coping Skills

Family therapy plays a crucial role in developing resilience and coping skills within families. When families face crises or transitions, such as divorce, remarriage, loss, or relocation, therapy provides the necessary support and guidance to adapt and manage effectively. Therapists facilitate open emotional expression, collaborative problem-solving, and clarity in communication, fostering a family’s ability to tolerate uncertainty and respect differing needs. This process helps families develop a positive outlook, find meaning in their struggles, and cultivate hope, which acts as a protective factor against mental health challenges.

Moreover, research indicates that stable, safe relationships are key to developing resilience in childhood and adolescence. Family therapy strengthens these relational resources, guiding families through emotional challenges and enabling children to learn resilience. By addressing communication breakdowns, fostering resilience, and equipping families with coping strategies, family therapy empowers individuals to navigate adversities, grow from challenges, and emerge as a stronger, more cohesive unit.

Conclusion

Family therapy offers a transformative pathway to nurture stronger, more resilient family bonds. By providing a safe and supportive environment, families gain valuable tools to enhance communication, resolve conflicts effectively, and foster a deeper understanding among members. The benefits extend beyond improved relationships, equipping individuals with essential coping skills to navigate life’s challenges and cultivate emotional well-being.

Ultimately, the collaborative nature of family therapy empowers families to work together as a cohesive unit, promoting collective growth and harmonious dynamics. As families learn to express themselves openly, listen with empathy, and find common ground, they unlock the potential for lasting connections and create a foundation for a lifetime of shared experiences and cherished memories. The journey through family therapy is a testament to the resilience and strength that lies within every family, paving the way for healthier relationships and a more fulfilling family life.

Nurturing Positive Conduct: Effective Parenting Techniques

Every parent aspires to raise well-adjusted, responsible children who exhibit good behavior. However, managing behavioral issues can be a daunting challenge, especially when traditional disciplinary methods like harsh punishments or criticism seem ineffective. Fortunately, there are positive parenting strategies that prioritize open communication, empathy, and problem-solving, fostering a nurturing environment where children learn to respect boundaries while feeling heard and supported.

Understanding Positive Parenting: A Compassionate Approach

Positive parenting is a child-rearing philosophy rooted in empathy, focusing on validating children’s feelings and experiences while encouraging desired behavior through positive reinforcement. This approach emphasizes building strong emotional connections, setting clear expectations, and involving children in finding solutions to behavioral challenges.

Parenting Styles: Choosing the Right Approach

Parenting styles can significantly influence a child’s development and behavior. While various approaches exist, four distinct styles are commonly recognized:

1. Authoritative Parenting

Characterized by open communication, clear rules and limits, parental affection, and involving children in problem-solving, the authoritative parenting style is closely associated with positive parenting principles. This approach fosters a healthy balance of structure and warmth, promoting children’s emotional well-being and positive behavior.

2. Authoritarian Parenting

In contrast, authoritarian parenting is defined by rigid rules, punishment over praise, an emphasis on parental authority, and limited family communication. This style can create an environment of fear and resentment, potentially leading to behavioral issues and emotional disconnection.

3. Permissive Parenting

Permissive parents often act more like friends than authority figures, lacking clear expectations, rules, or consequences. While this approach may seem appealing initially, it can lead to a lack of structure and boundaries, which children ultimately need for healthy development.

4. Uninvolved Parenting

Uninvolved parents may be too preoccupied, distracted, or emotionally indifferent to be actively involved in their child’s life, sometimes to the point of neglect. This style can have detrimental effects on a child’s emotional and behavioral well-being.

Effective Positive Parenting Strategies

While every child and family situation is unique, the following positive parenting strategies can help manage behavioral issues and foster a nurturing environment:

1. Establish Clear Rules and Consistent Enforcement

Children thrive on structure and predictability. By setting clear rules and consistently enforcing them, parents provide a sense of security and stability, which can positively impact behavior and academic performance. Consistency is key, as children are more likely to follow rules when they understand the consequences of their actions.

2. Communicate Calmly and Respectfully

Yelling or harsh language can escalate conflicts and create a cycle of negative behavior. Instead, strive to communicate calmly and respectfully, even in challenging situations. When emotions run high, take a brief break to regain composure before addressing the issue with your child. This approach models healthy conflict resolution and encourages open communication.

3. Validate Your Child’s Feelings

Children’s feelings, whether positive or negative, are valid and deserve acknowledgment. By validating their emotions, parents demonstrate understanding and support, which can help children develop strong social-emotional skills and improve their ability to relate to others.

4. Praise Positive Behaviors

Instead of focusing solely on criticism or punishment, make a conscious effort to praise and reinforce positive behaviors. Children often seek validation and attention from their parents, and praising good conduct encourages them to repeat those actions. This positive reinforcement can improve the parent-child relationship and increase the likelihood of desired behavior.

5. Dedicate Quality Time

Carving out dedicated one-on-one time with your child, free from distractions like screens or side conversations, can strengthen your emotional bond and nurture their social and academic development. Engage in activities you both enjoy, such as crafts or sports, and give your child your undivided, positive attention.

6. Express Affection Regularly

Physical affection, such as hugs, kisses, and cuddles, plays a crucial role in a child’s emotional well-being and can help reinforce positive behavior. According to research, children who receive regular affection from their parents are more likely to exhibit empathy, self-control, and resilience.

7. Collaborative Problem-Solving

When children face challenges or have questions, whether academic, social, or emotional, work with them to find solutions collaboratively. This approach encourages critical thinking, fosters open communication, and positions you as a trusted source of support and guidance.

8. Encourage Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence, the ability to recognize and manage one’s own emotions and understand those of others, is a valuable skill for children to develop. By modeling and encouraging emotional awareness, you can help your child navigate their feelings more effectively, reducing the likelihood of emotional outbursts or behavioral issues.

9. Provide Choices and Autonomy

Children thrive when they feel a sense of control and autonomy. Offer age-appropriate choices whenever possible, such as choosing between two acceptable options for an activity or snack. This approach fosters independence and decision-making skills while still maintaining parental guidance.

10. Seek Professional Support When Needed

While positive parenting strategies can be highly effective, some behavioral issues may require additional support. If you find yourself struggling to manage your child’s behavior or if there are underlying emotional or developmental concerns, don’t hesitate to seek guidance from professionals, such as counselors, therapists, or child psychologists.

Fostering a Positive Parent-Child Relationship

Positive parenting is not about being a permissive parent or lacking authority; rather, it’s about building a strong, nurturing relationship with your child based on mutual respect, open communication, and empathy. By implementing these strategies, you can create an environment where children feel heard, supported, and motivated to exhibit positive behaviors.

Positive Parenting Resources

Many valuable resources are available to help parents navigate the journey of positive parenting. Consider exploring the following:

  • Online platforms and social media accounts, such as Dr. Becky Kennedy’s Instagram and podcast “Good Inside,” Mr. Chazz, and Big Little Feelings, which offer practical tips and insights.
  • Books like “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlich, “How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen” by Joanna Faber and Julie King, “Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions Into Adulthood” by Lisa Damour, and “Decoding Boys: New Science Behind the Subtle Art of Raising Sons” by Cara Natterson.

Remember, positive parenting is a journey, and every family’s experience will be unique. Embrace patience, consistency, and self-compassion as you navigate the challenges and joys of raising well-adjusted, confident children.

Maintain Family Stability by Decreasing Your Own Emotional Arousal

Picture this: a parent sits down to dinner with their child. The child sees a pile of broccoli on his plate and begins to complain that he won’t eat it. The parent retorts, “Oh yes, you will!” They lock eyes and prepare for battle. Within minutes, everybody is riled up, screaming, and frustrated with each other, and the broccoli sits on the plate untouched. Moments like this happen often in families. An instigating event is followed by a sharp increase in everybody’s emotional arousal, which leads to breakdowns in communication, overreactions, saying things people don’t mean, hurt feelings, and friction in relationships.

When tension runs high between a parent and a child, the single most effective way to bring the energy back to baseline is for the parent to decrease their own arousal. Children are still developing the capacity to self-regulate and often struggle to manage their own strong emotions. One way that children learn to self-regulate is by co-regulating with their parent – meaning that whatever the parent feels, the child’s emotions are likely to tip in the same direction. This tendency is a direct factor of how close your relationship is and how much your child identifies with you, which is really beautiful…until broccoli ends up smashed all over the walls!

Basically, the more escalated you are, the more escalated your child is likely to be. On the other hand, the more you are able to stay calm, the more it helps your child to do the same. But staying calm is not always so easy. The following are some tips that have helped parents keep their cool in the midst of family conflict:

Learn Your Signs.

man staring into the ocean

Start observing yourself to notice patterns in your arousal level. There is often a moment when your blood pressure starts to go up, your heart rate begins to accelerate, and your breathing quickens just a little bit. Practice attending to your own bodily signals – at first just to observe, not with the goal of changing, but rather to learn and understand how your own body tends to respond to triggers. Can you identify the exact moment your body begins to process the stress?

Practice Cooling Down Your Body. 

woman smelling flowers

Once you’ve gotten the hang of identifying the start of your arousal, it is important to utilize this technique. This works best when your arousal level is still pretty low, before you’re so upset that you no longer feel in control. If you notice your heart beating just a bit faster or your breath just starting to get faster and shallower, take a few deep breaths. You can keep one hand on your chest or wrist to monitor your heart rate and see if you can feel your body coming back down to baseline. The more you are able to respond to and subsequently regulate your body’s reactions (this process is called biofeedback), the more you will feel in control of stressful moments.

Distract Yourself From the Situation

person looking a map

If your arousal level has already ticked up, you need more ammo to bring it back down. Take a mini mental vacation from an argument by thinking about something else. What exactly you try to think about will be different for every person. For some people, it helps to focus on a rote task, such as thinking about your grocery list. For other people, that causes too much stress! Some people get a lot out of visualization (like imagining yourself on your favorite vacation – maybe before you had kids!); others find it hard to conjure a happy image when they’re upset. It takes some trial and error to figure out what kind of thinking task works for you, but others that you can try include: doing math problems in your head, “replaying” an episode of TV you recently watched, planning out the steps to a task (such as the order in which you might prep dinner ingredients tonight)…and if all else fails, you can even whip out your phone and scroll through your Instagram feed for a minutes.

Leave the Room

person walking outside

This may be necessary if the arousal is too high for you to access any of these aforementioned skills. Separate yourself from the situation entirely until you have time to cool down. Staying in the room when you are upset increases the chances you will say or do something you don’t mean because your emotion has taken over. Make sure it’s safe to leave the room (you don’t want to leave your child unattended if they are unsafe, such as if they are engaging in self-harming behaviors), but as long as there are no glaring immediate threats, everybody in the family will probably be emotionally safer if you have some time apart. If you don’t feel comfortable leaving the child alone and you have a partner available, this is a good time to tag them in.

When we experience conflict with our children, we tend to focus more on how they are responding to the situation than on how we are. But as the parent, you and your actions set the frame for how an interaction will play out. So just remember… when tensions are running high, the first person to calm down is yourself!

Table Top Sensory!

OT (Occupational Therapy)/Sensory based table top activities for school-aged children

Play is an important aspect to a child’s growth and development. It is a child’s primary occupation to play. The occupations of a person are the meaningful and purposeful activities we participate in during the day. Adults have different occupations than children, but sometimes it is important for everyone to play! A child develops functional skills, motor skills, language skills and interpersonal skills through play. Engaging in different types of activities at home can even help your child develop skills in the classroom. Play helps encourage all areas of development, from cognitive and physical to social and emotional. Some benefits of play are it builds self-esteem and confidence, develops problem-solving skills, encourages new vocabulary usage, teaches children to be alone and independent, allows children to release their emotions and encourages planning and thinking ahead. It can be a great tool for children to connect with their peers and the adults around them. Fine motor development is important for children to develop as well as gross motor development. At a preschool age children are working on both. Gross motor (large muscle groups) development can impact fine motor (small muscle groups). As a child builds stability in their core it allows more control in the hands etc. Since play can be filled with opportunities for development, here are some activities children can play at a table while encouraging fine motor growth and development.

Tape play

Picking at the edges of the tape is a fun way for little hands to develop fine motor dexterity. They are working on a pincer grasp (tip-to-tip pinch of the thumb and index finger)
Playing a word spelling game with boxes made out of tape. Have the child help tear the tape into bits (tripod grasp, working on small motor strength of the hand arches)

Tweezers play

Pick up large or small objects with tweezers. Put things in sand, rice or beans and have children try to tweeze them out. (Tripod grasp, working on separating the two sides of the hand in a small motor task)
Sort pom –poms by color or size with tweezers into cupcake tins, bowls or empty egg cartons. Have the child tweeze a pom- pom from one side of the body to the other. (Tripod grasp, working on crossing mid-line.)

Play dough play

Press thick beads into play dough with the thumb in a bent position. This helps encourage development of an appropriate pencil grasp. (Working on the muscles needed to oppose with an open web space and flex the tip of the thumb.
Using play dough mats or the surface of a table play utilize play dough by pushing, smashing, rolling, and pulling it apart. Make sure the whole arm is involved in manipulating the dough! (Working on finger, shoulder and arm strength that helps support an age appropriate writing grasp.)

Pipe cleaner play

After tying a knot at one end, have the child hold the pipe cleaner with one hand and bead with the other. Using beads with smaller openings will require the child to use more finger strength. Make patterns with colors or shapes for more fun! (Working tip-to-tip pinch of the thumb, index finger and eye/hand coordination. )
Place an upside down colander on the table. Use various sized pipe cleaners to poke through the holes. Make designs and patterns using different colors. Try to get the same pipe cleaner in more than one hole. Add a time challenge for older children to see how many they can place in 30 seconds. (Working on pincer grasp, eye/hand coordination, bilateral coordination and sequencing.)

Water play

Sort water beads by color or size using a spoon or measuring cup. Place water beads in a bin or a sink and have the child scoop and sort into cups or buckets.
Filling up a container with water, have the child use a turkey baster or plastic pipettes to squeeze water in and out.. Add food coloring, sparkles or bath toys for more sensory play. For younger children, use a sponge he or she can squeeze out after dipping it into the water bin. (Tripod grasp, working on pinching and fine motor strength/ coordination.)

Setting Your Child Up For Success: Helping to Master New Skills

Children are constantly learning, and not just in the classroom. Every book they read, every toy they play with, every person they speak to…pretty much every situation they encounter is filled with opportunities to develop cognitive, motor, social-emotional, and problem-solving skills.

While some of this learning can happen independently, the importance of an “instructor” has been well documented. If there is a particular skill your child is working hard on, read on for guidance on how to help him master the next step!

Work in the Zone of Proximal Development

young boy reading books

Lev Vygotsky, a pioneer of social constructivist learning theory, developed a concept called the “Zone of Proximal Development.” The idea is basically that there is a subset of knowledge that children can attain on their own. Meaning they can master a skill to a certain extent without any other assistance. There is also a level of knowledge beyond the child’s reach – no amount of independent learning and exploring will be sufficient for them to reach that level. The Zone of Proximal Development (or ZPD) is the area in between. In the ZPD, an instructor, or what Vygotsky called a “Knowledgeable Other” (i.e., someone who has already mastered the skill), facilitates the child in skill-building by challenging them to work one step above their current level of mastery.

 

So what does this mean in practice? Let’s start by thinking about how the ZPD could apply to a younger child. For example, say you’re working on fine motor skills. The child may be able to play with large building blocks, such as Duplos, on their own. But after a while, no amount of playing with Duplos will further their fine motor skills.

Perhaps the goal is to build with smaller Legos, but they’re not quite ready yet. If you simply hand them the Legos, they’re likely to get frustrated and give up pretty quickly. Instead, to inch them towards the next stage of learning, scaffold them by providing hands-on assistance. Maybe at first, they guide the Legos to the right place, and you help to click them together. Keep challenging your child to push one level past their current mastery while providing direct support to complete the task. Once they master placing Legos on top of each other, you can work towards having you both push the Legos together, then working together to complete more complex configurations, and so on until you’ve got a Lego Master on your hands!

For older children or teens, this could mean speaking to them using vocabulary that is one level above what they’ve mastered—or asking questions about their homework that pushes them to think one level above their current inferential abilities.

An excellent way to gauge whether you’re in the ZPD is to look for the anchors: if they can complete the task without any assistance, they’re ready for the next challenge. If it’s too hard to do, even with you supporting them one on one, dial it back. You’re looking for the sweet spot where you can serve as a symbolic “step ladder” towards making progress. 

Give Positive Feedback

mom helping son on the computer

Learning a new skill often carries a certain level of excitement and intrigue with it but can also evoke a good deal of frustration and self-consciousness. As parents, we often point out when our children take a misstep when learning something new (“No, the puzzle piece doesn’t go there…”), but we sometimes forget to give feedback on what they are doing right (“You’ve got really strong follow-through on your baseball swing!”). Giving this feedback helps children know what to keep doing – without getting honest feedback about what’s going well, they might not realize it’s something they should keep up!

To do this, give labeled praise as much as possible. Tell them exactly what it is they’re doing well using language that shows that you are proud of them or they’re doing a great job. I love how nicely you’re sitting still at the dinner table! You’re doing a great job focusing on studying. That was some excellent balancing you did on your new bike! The more feedback they get for the good, the more they’ll build on those skills, the better they’ll feel about themselves, and the longer they’ll stick with a difficult task!

Focus on Progress, Not Outcome

young girl coloring a picture

We can’t expect perfection on our first try – beyond beginner’s luck, perhaps! If you wait for your child to nail a difficult task, you’ll both be waiting forever. Instead, help build momentum by breaking challenges into steps. For example, if your child is working on their golf skills, keep them close to the hole. As their aim and swing improve, move them further and further back. If your child is working on contributing to household chores, start with simple tasks (like carrying their plate to the sink), then work up to the next step (running the plate under water) until they’re ready for the Full Monty (scrubbing dishes with soap and sponge). If your teen is learning a new language, start by helping them study simple vocabulary (like putting index cards on different everyday objects around your house), then work up to more complex vocab and grammatical structures!

How to be Your Child’s “Emotion Coach”

We are born with an innate capacity to feel. In fact, our emotions serve a survival function. A newborn baby lacks the ability to communicate verbally with her parents – she can’t tell you that she’s hungry, tired, or needs a change. What she can do, though, is express her discontentment with a sharp cry, which immediately mobilizes you to tend to her needs. She doesn’t produce this cry intentionally – it’s simply her body’s natural mechanism to protect her livelihood.

Thus, we are hardwired to experience and exhibit different emotions (including the six universal emotions: happiness, sadness, surprise, fear, disgust, and anger) long before our brains are mature enough to really process and understand them. The frontal lobe, which is the brain’s emotional control hub, as well as the system that is responsible for logic, reasoning, judgment, and personality, doesn’t fully develop until age 25. This means that as children and teens mature and experience more complex emotions, their ability to comprehend and regulate those emotions is still catching up.

While kids are in the throes of learning to process their feelings, parents can help scaffold them towards healthy emotional expression. Read on for some tips on how to help children become masters of emotions:

Build Their Emotional Vocabulary. 

mom sitting on bed with son

In order to master emotions, children need to be able to name them. Having a label for what they are experiencing is comforting because it creates a sense of familiarity (“I know what this is, I’ve felt this way before”) and puts your child in control – he can draw on memories of when he’s felt that way in the past and how he’s handled it. Labeling also creates some distance from the feelings (think of the Snickers tagline: “You’re not you when you’re hungry”) – it helps your child separate his personality (which is more stable) from his emotions (which are constantly changing). Finally, feelings labels are validating – they help remind him that he is human, and that his feelings are totally normal.

A fun way to build emotion literacy is by playing feelings charades. Sit down with your child and make a list together of every single feelings word you both can think of. This is a great opportunity to assess how expansive his vocabulary is and help teach some new words (if he understands the word “surprised”, maybe he can learn more nuanced off-shoots of that emotion, such as “startled”, “confused”, “amazed”, or “excited”).

Once you’ve got a solid list, cut out each feeling word, throw them all in a hat, and take turns picking words and acting out the feelings for the other to guess! When it’s your turn to guess, comment on what you’re seeing your child do (“Hmm, you’re furrowing your brow, your mouth is turned down a little, and you’re holding your hands in fists – I think you’re angry!”). When it’s his turn, ask him how he knew what feeling you were acting out!

Following is a sample list of feelings words to help you get going:

Happy Brave Sick Courageous
Calm Loving Curious Frustrated
Proud Shy Jealous Worried
Excited Afraid Interested Scared
Sad Anxious Embarrassed Disgusted
Tired Angry Ashamed Guilty
Exhausted Mad Disappointed Pleased

Label Emotions. 

many expressions of a woman

Now that you have a good idea of what emotions she knows and can recognize, use those feelings words often in everyday conversation. Label what you’re feeling (“I’m feeling really happy playing this game with you”), label what she’s feeling (“I see that you’re crying. You look like you’re feeling sad that your friend couldn’t come over today.”), label what characters in books or TV shows are feeling (“Wow, Alexander feels really mad about his terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day!”). This practice helps build her emotional awareness and teach her that it’s okay (in fact, it’s good!) to talk about feelings.

Coach Them to Use Feelings Language in the Moment. 

father discipling son

We naturally feel emotions very physiologically, but it takes practice to articulate those feelings verbally. Now that you’ve been practicing learning and using emotional language, guide him to describe his own feelings. Some children start by verbalizing their feelings inappropriately, such as making comments such as, “I hate you,” when they’re mad with you. Rather than getting upset with your child for making this comment, try to read between the lines and help him learn to say what he really means – this can be as simple as responding, “You’re really mad at me.” By showing him that you understand, it will help build trust in your relationship and scaffold him towards being able to use more effective means of communicating his feelings.

Praise Emotional Expression. 

Give your child positive feedback for any attempts she makes to communicate her emotions, even if she doesn’t do so in the most productive way. For example, if she is throwing a massive temper tantrum (think stomping feet, throwing toys, rolling around on the ground…), but at some point in the mayhem, she’s able to say, “I’m mad!”, jump on the opportunity to thank her for telling you how she feels. If she’s calm enough to hear you, you can add, “Now that I know that you’re feeling mad, we can work together to help you feel better.” This will show her that sharing her feelings, particularly when they feel out of her control, can beget the help she needs to learn how to manage them.

Model Emotional Expression and Control. 

To help your child learn how to communicate his feelings using words, show him how. Talk about your own feelings in developmentally appropriate ways, and talk out what strategies you might use to help yourself feel better if you’re feeling bad. Be careful to maintain appropriate boundaries – I’m not suggesting you go and air all your dirty laundry to your child! But a lot of parents feel like they need to hold it together and not show their children when they’re distressed. The reality is that no matter how good an actor you are, your children know you well and can probably guess how you’re feeling, so you might as well own your emotions as an opportunity to build their emotion muscles. Children also have a tendency to feed off their parents’ emotions, so by sharing and working through your own feelings, you are simultaneously helping them work through theirs.

Let’s say there’s a sick relative in the family, and you’re worried about them. Your child probably feels the same way. It’s healthy to have an open conversation about this. You could say something like, “You might notice I’m a little down today. I’m feeling sad because grandma is sick, and I wish she were feeling better.” Now that you’ve put your feelings out there, you and your child can talk about what it’s like for each of you when you’re sad, and what helps each of you to feel better. You can even solicit your child’s help in engaging in an activity that would help you both feel more regulated (for example, “I think it would make me feel better if I sent her a letter with some pictures. Would you help me pick out which pictures to send?”). 

Discussing feelings openly helps to demystify them and empower your children to feel in control of them. The more you can coach them to be “emotion masters”, the more effective everybody is likely to be in communicating with each other!

Letting Your Kids Work It Out On Their Own

We want our kids to succeed, plain and simple. We want to see them thrive, accomplish things, feel good about themselves, and reach their potential. For some parents, though, the pathway to mastery can be pretty painful. So if you ache to watch your child trying to learn a new skill, if you feel an impulse to jump in and rescue them from a challenge, or if you have an even harder time than your child does coping when they miss the mark, this article is for you!

First off, your compassion for your child is beautiful. The fact that you feel so deeply for them is a visceral sign of how deeply you love them, how connected you feel to them, and how far your empathy travels. However, if your level of discomfort exceeds theirs when watching them tackling a difficult challenge, it might get in the way of their ability to master a skill.

Following are some tips to help you navigate moments when your child is facing a challenge. These are ways to help you balance how much to help versus how much to lay off. In addition, how to resist that pesky impulse to intervene at the wrong moment!

When to Step In

mom helping daughter with work

 It is healthy for children to confront some challenges. Facing novel tasks head-on encourages them to develop their problem-solving skills, build grit and resilience, use creativity, work on self-regulation, and cultivate independence. But when the challenge is too steep, it can be discouraging and promote feelings of inadequacy.

When you’re trying to figure out whether to step in, first consider your child’s developmental level. Think about what skills they already have, and take a beat to determine whether you have good reason to believe they can apply those skills to the current situation. If the task seems entirely beyond their reach, consider the least possible intervention to make the task possible. A little bit of frustration on their end is okay – in fact, it can even be motivating – so long as the frustration doesn’t rise so much that they can’t cope with it. The goal here is to scaffold them towards mastery of a new skill. The sweet spot is when they have to work a little harder and use a little ingenuity to figure it out.

Wait It Out

man looking at laptop

Sometimes it’s hard to tell if a task is at the right level for a kid to take on independently. If you’re concerned that you might intervene too soon and get in the way of their progress, hit pause. See if you can hold off for 5 minutes before stepping in. This will give you and them some time to see if they can figure it out independently.

But how do you fight that all-consuming urge to step in??

Find Your Mantra

doubt with ubt crossed out

Come up with a short and snappy phrase you can repeat to yourself in the moment to remind yourself why you’re stepping back. He can do this. This is how she’ll learn. My anxiety doesn’t need to be his anxiety. Find the thought that fits for you and say it in your mind as much as necessary. If you need something even more substantial, you can write the thought down on an index card that you keep in your wallet as a visual reminder.

Observe Your Feelings Like Clouds

grass and clouds

Feelings don’t last forever. If you wait long enough, each feeling will pass, and new feelings come along. If your distress level is high and makes you want to “rescue” your child (when your child is doing okay on their own…), label your feeling. Do you feel scared? Anxious? Uncomfortable? Find the word that fits your emotional state, and imagine that word plastered across a cloud overhead. Observe the cloud floating in, covering you in its shade, then moving along until it’s out of sight. This practice not only grounds you in the moment and makes you feel more in control of your emotions, but it also serves as a distraction to help you wait it out!

If All Else Fails, Step Away

man walking on pier

If the urge to intervene is too strong, and you know it could cause negative repercussions (like embarrassing your child in front of his friends, perhaps!), separate yourself. Pace out of sight, turn your head away from the situation, distract yourself by talking to someone else, or even scroll through your phone. Bonus: taking the time to help yourself cool down when your emotions get the best of you is excellent modeling for your children to learn how to cool down when their emotions get the best of them!

Remember, we all need to stumble to learn how to get back up again. It’s okay to let your kids work some challenges out on their own, so long as they have the skillset and self-confidence to do so. The more opportunities they have, even if they don’t end successfully, the more they’ll grow!

Seven Back-to-School Strategies

Set your child up for school success in 2020-21 with these back to school strategies.

Most years, the back-to-school time is filled with excitement and hopefulness for kids, and relief for parents glad for the return of the structure of a school schedule.  This year, of course, is not a typical year.

As we move into the new school year, the range of emotions expressed by our children, parents and teachers could not be broader. While there is certainly the excitement of seeing friends, and the hopefulness of a bit of normalcy, there are also feelings of uncertainty, confusion, and stress regarding the many unknowns and things beyond our control. As we navigate the new environment, we will all need to be prepared to “roll with the punches.”

Although these months will require significant flexibility on everyone’s part, we have compiled seven strategies to help your child (and you) during these topsy-turvy times:

  1. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
  2. Enter the Home Classroom
  3. Meet the New Assistant Teacher
  4. Allow For Transition Time
  5. Create Structure & Consistency
  6. Strike The Home / School Balance
  7. Learn New Behaviors

1.    Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

Hopefully you’ll find a better method (Photo by Andrea Piacquadio)

Be as fully prepared as possible to answer your child’s questions and establish good communication with school staff.

  • Attend school activities and meetings, albeit through the remote platforms that we are able to access. During these meetings, your school will be disseminating information, answering questions, and soliciting feedback.
  • Clarify how your child’s teacher/school will be communicating with you. Stay up to date on emails/websites/texts so you know what your child is supposed to be doing.
  • If your child is having trouble staying focused and motivated, consult with your child’s teacher or a designated member of your school’s social-emotional learning team, and be creative to incorporate more hands-on activities.

2.    Enter the Home Classroom

The apple is for you (Photo by Photo by VisionPic .net)

Create a “Home Classroom” to help your child stay productive, engaged, and focused throughout the day.  Whatever the new school year brings, students will be engaged for part, if not all, of their week in remote learning, and either way, it is essential to get your home school space ready to go.

  • Have all possible school supplies necessary in one space to limit your child’s need to get up and down during learning time.
  • Limit distractions in this area by removing extra electronics, games, and toys.
  • Having a space designated for “school” allows the child to differentiate between school and home time. If space does not allow for a separate area, identify a designated workspace with all their supplies in a tub or laundry basket nearby. Ideally, this should be an open space where you can visually check in with your child to ensure they are engaged in their learning. If possible, your child’s workspace should not be in their room (though for some older kids/teens this may work fine – it depends on your child).
  • Keep usernames and passwords readily available.
  • Have a water bottle and snacks (fruit, almonds, etc.) nearby to limit the ups and downs throughout the day. Having healthy choices readily available will improve your child’s overall functioning and provide them with the fuel they need throughout the day.

3.    Meet the New Assistant Teacher

No, that doesn’t mean you do the work for them (Photo by August de Richelieu)

Like it or not, you’re now the new Assistant Teacher.  While few of us have actually been trained for the role, there are some things we can do to do the best best job we can.

  • Be prepared to help. If your child is struggling, they will likely quickly become frustrated and unmotivated. After a couple of independent attempts, try doing a practice example together and then move on to the next problem/question.
  • Help your child organize tasks. Assist in breaking down large tasks. Prioritizing tasks helps them become less overwhelmed throughout the day.
  • Do regular check-ins. Whether or not your child is working independently throughout the day, plan a check-in at the end of the day (or multiple times throughout the day depending on your child’s level of independence) to make sure your child is on track with learning and teacher expectations. This allows you to ensure they do not fall behind and provides an opportunity to teach them life skills about organization, procrastination, and asking for help when needed.
  • Create a reward system, particularly for younger children who may be less intrinsically motivated. Based on your child’s age you can provide rewards by the day or week. Rewards can range from a special dessert if all school tasks are completed during the day to a bigger reward such as a new game for completing their work throughout the week. Relationship-based non-monetary rewards are even better, such as choosing a family game to play or movie to watch together, choosing what’s for dinner, or an extra book at bedtime.
  • Create visual signs to maintain boundaries. When you are working from home and your child is doing schoolwork, there are times when you cannot be interrupted. Setting up signs can help give visual cues to teach your child when they can ask for help and when they need to wait. For example, you can put a stop sign up at your workspace when you cannot be interrupted and take it down when you are available. You can similarly create “Help” signs for your child that they can put on their workspace.

4.    Allow for Transition Time

*Child’s desk may not be as neat (Photo by Burst)

Plan for time between different activities: hybrid learning, working with pods in the neighborhood, or even sharing time between two homes.

  • Coordinate with those sharing responsibility in your child’s education to create as much consistency across environments as possible. (Examples – scheduling, expectations, use of reward systems, etc.)
  • Share successful strategies with teammates.
  • Help your child to create checklists to ensure needed materials are successfully transitioned between locations so your child has the supplies they need each day. (Depending on your child’s age, you may be responsible for the entire list.)

5.    Create Structure

Chalk walls are always fun, too (Photo by Julia M Cameron)

Provide structure; consistency is key is success in the new learning environment.

  • Create a schedule. Your school will likely provide you with a schedule, noting times for check-ins with teachers and peer-to-peer group learning opportunities. If your school does not provide a specific schedule, creating one can help your child stay on track. It allows your child to establish a routine so they understand expectations and can work more independently. A schedule also increases the child’s inner sense of “control”, further reducing stress.
  • Include both movement and brain breaks throughout the day (put them in the schedule). Some great ideas are doing three yoga poses between academic tasks or drawing a picture. To foster independence, you can write each activity on a popsicle stick and put them all in a cup. When a break comes up in the schedule, your child can randomly pick one and do it! (FYI- TV, video games, etc. can make it difficult to re-engage in school activities.)

6.    Strike the Home / School Balance

You won’t find me up there (Photo by Marcelo Moreira)

Support your child’s emotional health by keeping the balance and boundaries between “home” and “school.”

  • Be ready to manage stress…your child’s and your own. Make sure you are allowing times for self-care, individual recreational activities, and family activities. Both stress and calm are contagious. To set your child up for calm, it is essential that you are taking care of your own emotional needs first.
  • If you and your child are experiencing conflict surrounding school, it is especially important to balance them with positive experiences unrelated to “school” to maintain a healthy parent-child relationship.
  • Include transition activities at the beginning and end of the day. The trip to and from school provides this by allowing your child to “gear up” for school and “wind down.” If your child is learning remotely, it is important to keep these transitions for your child. It may be as simple as cleaning up, organizing, and preparing the space for the next day. The point is that by scheduling “transition activities” creates closure and separation between various areas of your child’s life.
  • Establish expectations surrounding screen time. Given screen time will naturally increase with virtual learning, it is important to limit additional screen time. The neurological and emotional impacts of screens can occur regardless of the content. The point here is to find a balance between tech time and other activities.
  • Keep the social connections. This can be virtually or in person with distancing. Ongoing peer interactions will foster healthy social and emotional development.
  • Exercise. Get your child moving and get them outdoors.
  • Schedule family game night/movie night/basketball night, etc.

7.    Learn new behaviors

Now, if she’d only stay six feet away (Photo by Yaroslav Danylchenko)

For those returning to the school environment, there are some new behaviors you need to introduce or reinforce. With the return to the classroom, we want behaviors to protect their safety to be second nature.

  • Practice wearing a mask in as many environments as possible. This includes washing your hands before and after you touch your mask.
  • Model social distancing. Increase your child’s awareness of their personal space and space of others keeping 6 feet apart.
  • Point out one-way signs and floor tape indicating directions to walk.
  • Point out floor markers showing spacing while waiting in line.
  • Show your child what 6 feet is with a tape measure or piece of string.
  • Identify items in your child’s environment that are 6 feet long (their bed, the width of the dining room table, two hops, etc.).
  • Teach and practice coughing/sneezing etiquette. Reinforce coughing and sneezing into your elbow or a tissue, then immediately washing your hands.
  • Avoid touching your face. Some tips to help kids do this include keeping their hands in their pockets or sitting on them.
  • Model and practice proper hand washing. Use soap and warm water, singing “Happy Birthday” twice, using a paper towel to turn off the water (not their clean hands). Create a habit of all family members washing their hands as soon as they return to the house.
  • Be on the lookout for hand sanitizer and use it frequently.
  • Teach your child about lunchroom practices for their school which may include eating in the classroom, eating with their pod, or eating in individual spaces in the cafeteria. Their lunchtime structure will likely look significantly different than it has in previous years. Being prepared for change helps.

Remember

If you or your child are struggling with the “new normal” you are not alone. Some of us have handled these challenges admirably, but the reality is that children and adults alike have been asked to adapt to huge changes in a very short period of time with limited clear guidance on best practices. (For proof that you’re not alone, see this NYT piece “School Chaos Is Breaking Me”)

Keep self-compassion and self-care as your top priorities, and help your child prioritize healthy ways to stay emotionally and physically balanced. At the same time, do not hesitate to seek out personal and professional supports to help see you through these challenges and pave the way for smoother transitions ahead. If interested, see our Services page, or send us an email at hello@sascoriver.com.