Reviewed by Grace DeGrado, OTD, OTR/L, and Caroline Segal, PhD
The tween years mark an exciting yet challenging transition between childhood and adolescence. This is a time in our lives where personalities take shape, independence becomes a priority, and friendships mean the world.
As your child navigates the complex social dynamics of middle school and beyond, they will face new experiences, friendships, and potential social challenges. As a parent, one of the most valuable things you can do is foster an open line of communication and create a supportive environment where your tween feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and concerns.
Understanding the Tween Social World
Tweens are in a unique stage of development. They are beginning to form a stronger sense of self while also seeking approval from peers. Social life becomes increasingly important, and the desire to fit in intensifies. At the same time, their brains are developing the executive functioning skills that factor into interpreting social cues, developing problem-solving skills, and managing the ups and downs of friendships.
Your tween may feel uncertain as they explore their social circle. Unlike younger children, who rely more on parental guidance, tweens want to navigate these situations independently while still benefiting from parental support. This is where your role as a trusted ally becomes essential.
Connecting With Your Tween
Rather than focusing on teaching social skills outright, prioritize building a connection with your tween. When they feel listened to, understood, and supported, they are more likely to share their thoughts, seek advice, and embrace the learning experiences that come with social interactions. Here are some ways to strengthen that connection:
- Engage in Face-to-Face Conversations
Social media plays a significant role in modern friendships, but nothing replaces genuine face-to-face interactions. Often, tweens will give an open-ended question a yes/no or grunted response. Try asking direct questions so that you prompt them to reflect on a certain instance in their day, such as who they sat with at lunch or how their favorite or least favorite class affected their day. Make an effort to have meaningful conversations with your tween, whether it’s during a car ride, at the dinner table, or while spending time together during an activity they enjoy. Listening without immediately offering solutions and providing consistent positive feedback allows them to feel heard and valued.
- Acknowledge Their Feelings and Experiences
Navigating social dynamics can be overwhelming. If your tween opens up about friendship struggles or peer pressure, validate their feelings rather than dismissing them. Saying things like, “That sounds tough. I can see why you’d feel that way,” reassures them that their experiences matter and that you are a safe person to confide in. You can also make space for your tween to explore why a challenge in their friendship occurred, and validate that the decisions they make reflect that they are trying their best even if it feels difficult.
- Encourage Extracurricular Activities
A great way for tweens to develop their social skills is by participating in extracurricular activities that align with their interests. Whether it’s sports, theater, clubs, or volunteer opportunities, these activities allow them to interact with new peers, build confidence, and expand their social circle in a supportive environment.
- Help Them Navigate Social Media Mindfully
Social media can be both a tool for connection and a source of social challenges. Openly talk to your tween about healthy social media use, emphasizing balance and critical thinking. Share your own experiences with social media to build a connection. Reflect on how sometimes what they see online doesn’t always reflect reality, and encourage them to spend time in real-life interactions as well.
- Model Healthy Social Interactions
Tweens learn a lot by observing how the adults in their lives interact with others. Demonstrate active listening, empathy, and problem-solving in your own relationships. You can also talk about challenges you see in TV shows or movies, even celebrities, and prompt your tween to reflect on if that person handled their challenges correctly or if they have other ideas on how to solve social challenges. This can help them internalize positive social behaviors without feeling like they’re being explicitly taught.
Supporting Their Mental Health
The teenage years bring emotional ups and downs, and social pressures can sometimes take a toll on a tween’s mental health. Pay attention to changes in their mood, behavior, or engagement in social activities. If they seem withdrawn, overly anxious about social situations, or express distress about friendships, reassure them that you are there to support them. If needed, seeking guidance from a school counselor or mental health professional can be a helpful step in ensuring they feel good emotionally and socially.
Final Thoughts
Helping your tween thrive socially isn’t about instructing them on what to do in every situation—it’s about building a relationship where they feel comfortable enough to come to you for support and advice. At this stage of the game, it can be helpful to adopt a “learner’s permit” model of parenting – your child is practicing driving the car on their own, but you are in the passenger’s seat available to guide them when necessary! By having an open line of communication, encouraging trying new things, and validating their experiences, you are laying the foundation for their ability to navigate the social world confidently in middle school and beyond. As they develop into their teenage years, your role as a steady presence in their life will be one of the most supportive ways to help them flourish.
We’re Here for You
At Sasco River Center, our team of specialists offers support to help tweens–and all young people– learn and practice the skills they need to build meaningful connections and thrive in social situations.
Contact us today to learn more about our programs and services designed to nurture your child’s growth and confidence.
Register now for our free parent webinar on March 11: FROM AWKWARD TO EMPOWERED: Helping Your Tween Thrive Socially
Commitment to Inclusivity: Sasco River Center is an equal opportunity organization, and does not discriminate on the basis of race, age, ethnicity, ancestry, national origin, disability, color, size, religion, gender, sexual orientation, marital status, or socioeconomic background. We are committed to providing an inclusive and welcoming environment for all clients and colleagues.